Bert’s therapy: Monkey

I have a question.

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Shoot. 

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What’s my single biggest problem? 

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Addiction to control.

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Not depression?

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Well, that’s related to the addiction.

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Not anxiety?

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Related to the addiction.

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My overeating?

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Related.

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My overworking?  Fear of other people?  Fear of my wife?

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Related.  Related.  Related. 

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All my problems are related to control addiction?

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Pretty much.

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I sound pretty screwed up.

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Actually you’re pretty ordinary.

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How so?

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We’re all addicted to control.  And it causes most of our emotional problems.

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Explain.

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There’s a part of each of us that craves control. 

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bert-11

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It’s always awake, usually scared, and constantly trying to control stuff.

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What stuff?

Everything.  External stuff, like people, places and things.  And internal stuff, like our own feelings, thoughts and behavior.

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Because it can’t accept reality as it is, it spends all its time fighting reality.  Which, of course, is a war it can’t win.  Which leaves us depressed, anxious and addicted.

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I call this part the Inner Monkey. 

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Interesting.  But it doesn’t sound like me at all.

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therapist-15

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bert

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therapist-16

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bert-17

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Have you looked in a mirror lately? 

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* * * 

 

 

 

 

Because we are afraid of life, we seek to control or master it.

~ Alexander Lowen, Fear of life .

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The person who is possessed by fear expects to be hurt. Expecting to be hurt, he works out a way of life that is primarily a way of playing safe; and all his attitudes and actions become progressively expressive of that way.

~ Bonaro W. Overstreet, Understanding fear in ourselves and others.

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Control, for all its self-assured position of command, relies on a defensive vision, and the traits ennumerated — enorced loyalty, exactitude, suspicion of the hidden, watchfulness — are paranoid traits.

~ James Hillman, Kinds of power: A guide to its intelligent uses.

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Each of us has our own silent War With Reality…. Yogis came to call this duhkha. Duhkha means, literally, “suffering,” “pain,” or “distress.”…. This silent, unconscious war with How it Is unwittingly drives much of our behavior: We reach for the pleasant. We hate the unpleasant. We try to arrange the world so that we have only pleasant mind-states, and not unpleasant ones. We try to get rid of this pervasive state of unsatisfactoriness in whatever way we can — by changing things “out there.” By changing the world.

~ Stephen Cope, The wisdom of yoga: A seeker’s guide to extraordinary living.

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Do you want to improve the world?

I don’t think it can be done.

The world is sacred.

It can’t be improved

If you tamper with it, you’ll ruin it.

If you treat it like an object, you’ll lose it.

                                    ~ Lao-tzu, Tao te ching.

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