The John E. Trahan Memorial Fund

 

 

 

John E. Trahan (33) was a loving and devoted father, husband, son, brother, brother-in-law, nephew, cousin, friend and coworker, and all he has left behind in this world are both devastated and heartbroken. 

Almost 20 years ago, at the age of 14, John was struck by a car while out riding his bike in Rocky Point, NY, where he lived most of his life. This accident left him without a spleen and with a weakened immune system. When John suddenly became ill with an infection this December, no one could imagine how quickly things would progress, and that his life would be taken away in just a few days. John passed peacefully, surrounded by his loved ones, on December 14, 2017. 

John leaves behind a beautiful, young family. His wife Trish and he were busy building a wonderful life together with their four children Declan (4), Mason and Hadley (2), and Harper (5 months).  The sole provider for them all, John worked steadfast as an ambitious,  well-respected CPA. 

The outpouring of love and support for John’s family during this time of grief and mourning has been overwhelming, and they are all so thankful and comforted in the knowing that John touched so many lives with his kindness and good heart. 

This fundraising effort has been started in hopes that it can help John’s wife Trish and their four children in the difficult months and years that lay ahead without him; that it can help to alleviate some of the stress of financial burdens and let Trish focus on continuing to raising their children as planned. 

To donate, click here.

Everyday monkeytraps: Changing me

1.

I feel inadequate.

2.

This is an uncomfortable feeling, so I try to change myself.

3.

When I try to change myself, another part of me rises up to resist the change.

4.

The parts that resists change is usually stronger than the part that wants it.

5.

Being unable to change feels like failure.

6.

I feel inadequate.

 

~ From Monkeytraps in Everyday Life:

A Guide for Control Addicts (in press).

One handcuff

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Besides weekly therapy, she paints, plays piano, is active in the peace movement, attends a support group and wonders why she’s still depressed and anxious.

I tell her it’s because she goes home every night to a loveless marriage to a alcoholic husband.

Another woman comes to individual sessions every Monday and group every Wednesday and can’t understand why her self-esteem and her  confidence aren’t improving. 

I tell her it’s because she spends every Tuesday and Thursday with her narcissistic parents who abuse her emotionally and drain her psychologically.

A man who divorced his wife eighteen months ago sits on my sofa and rages endlessly at his ex for her selfishness and for not loving him adequately.

I tell him he may be divorced legally, but emotionally he’s as married as ever.

All three live in prisons of their own creation.

Because hanging onto an invalidating or abusive or toxic relationship while telling yourself you’re “handling it” is an exercise in denial.

It’s like handcuffing yourself to the bumper of a truck, then telling yourself you’re actually free because only one hand is handcuffed.

One handcuff is enough to keep you trapped.

Forever.

More than enough.