Excerpts from (and links to) our most popular posts about control and self-care.
Control focuses outward, at other people, places and things. So control-seeking pulls me away from myself, away from self-awareness and self-care. The more controlling I am, the more I lose touch with me.
But power focuses inward, on my own needs, thoughts and feelings. So developing power is all about developing the ability to know, understand and accept myself.
Last time we called control a train you can chase but never catch, and power a muscle that grows stronger as you exercise it.
So how do you build that muscle? How does a person become more powerful?
My adventures in recovery have taught me seven ways.
~ From Control isn’t power, Part 2
Some background anxiety is simply the cost of being human — of having a big brain that worries endlessly, and of needing relationships to feel secure.
But you can turn down the volume.
I find the two ways — two practices, actually — that work best both involve (surprise) giving up control.
It’s no accident that people in recovery use excretory metaphors (“my shit’s coming up,” “get my shit together,” “acts like his shit doesn’t stink”) to describe emotional processes. For feelings are a kind of waste material, the emotional byproducts of experience, just as feces are the physical byproducts of what we eat. And just as physical waste must be expelled from the body, feelings are meant to be expressed – not hidden or stored up.