Session 19: Depressed

bert (1)

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4

Feeling depressed?

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4

A little.

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4

How bad?

1

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Mild.

1

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4

therapist (3)

1

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4

My energy is low.

1

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4

therapist (4)

1

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4

My appetite is off.

1

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4

therapist (5)

1

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4

I’m not sleeping well.

1

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therapist (6)

1

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I’m anxious.

1

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4

therapist (7)

1

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I’m irritable.

1

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therapist (8)

1

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My self-esteem is in the toilet.

1

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4

therapist (9)

1

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And I feel like crying.

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therapist (10)

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bert (11)

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Jeez, Bert. 

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bert (12)

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4

That all sounds pretty painful.

1

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bert (13)

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If you call this “mild” depression…

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bert (14)

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…what’s “severe” look like?

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bert (15)

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Oh.

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4

* * *

Session 18: Unstable

bert (1)

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4

therapist (1)

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4

bert (2)

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3

4

therapist (2)

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bert (3)

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4

therapist (3)

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bert (4)

1

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4

therapist (4)

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bert (5)

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th5

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bert (6)

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therapist (6)

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bert (7)

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4

1

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4

bert

1

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4th

So tell me.

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bert

1

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3

4th

When did you start…

1

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bert

1

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4

…having mood swings?

* * *

Session 17: Guilty

Bad day at work.

1

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4

What happened?

1

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4

Boss yelled at me.

1

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3

4

And how do you feel?

1

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4

Guilty.

1

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4

Why’d the boss yell?

1

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4

Having a bad day, I guess.  He’s like that.

1

2

3

4

So why do you feel guilty?

1

2

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4

I don’t know.

1

2

3

4

That’s not guilt you’re feeling.   

1

2

3

4

It’s not?

1

2

No.  It’s anger.  Internalized anger often feels like guilt.

1

2

3

4

It does?

1

2

3

Sure.  Anger’s like poison.  If you don’t spit it out at the person who hurt you, it eats away at you and feels like guilt.

1

2

3

4

I don’t know about that.  I’ve always been a pretty guilty person.

1

2

3

4I see.  Tell me, what’s your boss like?

1

2

3

4

He’s an asshole.

1

2

3

How big an asshole?

1

2

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4

Big.

1

2

3

4

Big?

1

2

3

4

Enormous.

1

2

3

4

And how’s it feel, working for an enormous asshole?

1

2

3

4

I hate it.  I hate him.  I hate my job.

1

2

3

4

th12

1

2

3

4

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.

1

2

3

4

therapist (13)

1

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bert (14)

1

2

3

4

How you feeling now?

1

2

3

4

Better.  Much better.  Not guilty at all.

1

2

3

4

th

1

2

3

4

Does that always work?

1

2

3

4

When the guilt comes from internalized anger, pretty much.

1

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3

4

bert (17)

1

2

3

4

By the way, how’s your marriage going?

1

2

3

4

bert (18)

1

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3

4

* * *

1

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4

 

Session 16: Self-esteem

I have low self esteem.  I want high self-esteem.

1s

2

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4

therapist (1)

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4

Can you help me with that?

1

2

3

4

Nope.

therapist (2)

1

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4

Why not?

2

3

4

I don’t believe in it.

1

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4

High self-esteem?

1

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4

Right.  It’s a myth.

1

2

3

4

Why?2

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4

People think they’re supposed have it.  Then they feel inadequate when they don’t.

1

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bert (6)

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But I’ve never had it, and I’ve never known anyone who has.

1

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4

Really?

1

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Really.

1

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4

Some people say they have it.

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Yeah.  I don’t believe them.  I assume they’re lying.  Or… 

1

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4

1

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4

… they’re narcissists, hiding a secret emptiness.  Or…

1

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4

1

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…they just lack self-awareness.

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4

How so?

2

Anyone with self-awareness knows how screwed-up they are.

1

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ber

1

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3

They know how often they operate out of ignorance, and selfishness, and fear… 

1

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bert

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4

…how regularly they fall short of their own aspirations…

1

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bert

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…and they can provide you with a long list of their mistakes, failures and disappointments.  1

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4

bert (11)

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4

If they can’t, they’re in denial.  Because screwed-up is the human condition. 

1

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4

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4

And “high self-esteem” is an unrealistic goal.  So stop chasing it.1

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4

What should I chase instead?

1

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4

Try self-acceptance. 

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3

4

What’s the difference? 14)

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4

Self-esteem says, “I’m wonderful.” Self-acceptance says, “I’m not wonderful, but I can live with it.”1

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4

1

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4

Sorry to disappoint you.

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….

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th

11

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bert

I can live with it.

1

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* * *

Session 15: Predictable

bert 1

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4

So, you’re married?

1

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4

Yes.

1

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4

And her name’s Felicia, you said.

1

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4

That’s right.  But I call her Babe.

1

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4

Bert and Babe.  Cute.  And you have a son?

1

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4

Yes.  Bud.

1

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4

And a daughter?

1

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4

Brittany.

1

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4

Sensing a pattern here.

1

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4

We have a dog, too.

1

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Named…

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Bonzo.

1

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Of course.

1

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4

Excuse me?

1

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4

Just curious.  Favorite color?

1

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4

Brown.

1

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4

Favorite sport?

1

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4

Baseball.

1

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4

Favorite music?

1

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4

Blues.

1

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4

Composer?

1

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4

Bach.

1

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4

Holiday?

13

4

My birthday.

1

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4

Favorite meal?

1

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4

Burgers.

1

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4

Favorite coal?

1

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4

Bituminous.

1

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4

(Sigh.)

1

2

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4

What’s wrong?

1

2

3

Has anyone ever described you as predictable?

1

1

1

1

Bite me.

* * *

Session 14: The wrong something

So let me get this straight.

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therapist (1)

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4

Trying to control life means fighting reality…

1

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therapist (2)

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4

…which becomes an endless battle…

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therapist (3)

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…you can never win.

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Yep.

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4

So chasing control means a life of frustration and disappointment.

1

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4

Sure.  That’s the problem with any addiction.

1

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4

bert (6)

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4

You spend your life chasing the wrong thing.

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4

I always knew my life was missing something.

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therapist (7)

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4

But I thought that something was more control.

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4

Think again.

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What else could it be?

1

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4

Peace of mind?

1

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4

bert (10)

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4

Real intimacy?

1

2

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4

bert (11)

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4

Personal power?

1

2

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4

bert

1

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4

Joy? 

1

2

3

4

All of those sound good.  Why do you mention them?

1

2

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4

They’re four things you can’t experience as long as you’re chasing control.

1

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4

Really?

1

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4

Really.

1

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4

Shit.

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therapist

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4

Have I been shopping at the wrong Wal-Mart.

* * *

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Session 12: Ordinary monkeys

 

 bert (1).

aaa

bbb

ccc

ddd

 So what do you want out of therapy?

111

222

333

444

Two things, I guess. 

To be less lonely…

aaa

bbb

ccc

ddd

therapist (2).

111

222

333

444

…and to be more in control.

aaa

bbb

ccc

ddd

Huh.

111

222

333

444

What?

aaa

bbb

ccc

ddd

 That’s a line from a movie.

111

222

333

444

What I said about control?

aaa

bbb

ccc

Right.  Ordinary People,1980.  Depressed kid says it to his therapist. 

111

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333

444

What does the therapist say?

aaa

bbb

ccc

ddd 

He tells him to come twice a week.  “Control is a tough nut,” he says. 

111

222

333

444

You agree?

aaa

bbb

ccc

ddd

Actually, no.111

222

 

333

444

bert (8).

aaa

bbb

ccc

It’s an impossible nut. 

111

222

333

444

Why impossible?

aaa

bbb

ccc

ddd

Because we can’t have it, and we can’t stop wanting it.

 

111

 

222

 

bert (10)

 

aaa

bbb

 

Like a itch you can’t stop scratching, but scratching only makes the itch worse.

 

 

111

222

333

I know.

 

aaa

bbb

 

You know?

 

111

 

222

 

33344

 

Yeah.  I’ve always wanted more control than I had.  I guess I always will.

 aaa

bbb

ddd 

Sounds familiar.

111

222

333

444 

 What’s wrong with me?

aaa

bbb

 ccc

ddd

You’re a control addict.  A.k.a., a normal human being.

111

222

333

444

An ordinary people.

aaa

bbb

 ccc

ddd

Correct.  Well, it sort of solves your other problem.

222

333

444

My loneliness?bert (15).

aaa

bbb

 ccc

 ddd

Sure. 

1

2

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4

bert

1

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4

Welcome to the majority.

111

222

3

ddd

 

111

***

 

 

Session 13: Attached

So you think I’m addicted to control.

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Yes.

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Because you think everyone is.

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I do.

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And why is that?

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Because we’re unsatisfiable.

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We carry this picture in our heads of the reality we want…

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…which we constantly compare to the reality we have.

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And when the two don’t match — which is most of the time — 

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…we try to change the reality we have.

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Which means most of the time we’re fighting reality.

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Which is a fight we can’t win.

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And that’s “controlling”?

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Well, that’s what I call it.

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Buddhists call it attachment.

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So I’m unhappy because I fight reality…

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…instead of learning to live with it.  Right.

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Well…

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…I think that’s crap.

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I think your theory is New Age bullshit.

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And I think I’m in therapy with the wrong therapist.

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See?

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There you go again.

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* * *

Session 11: Chess

Life is just like a chess game.

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How so?

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Well, it’s all about learning to be careful…

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…and planning ahead…

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…and anticipating what’s going to happen…

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…so you can make the right moves…

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…and get control of the board.  Which is what the game’s all about, ultimately.

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Control of the board.

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Right.

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And that’s the goal of life.  Controlling the board.

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Of course.

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I see.  And when you get control of the board, what happens then?

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You win.

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And then what?

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The game ends.

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And then?

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Then nothing.  Game over.

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Oh.

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What are you thinking?

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Just that the goal of all that controlling is…nothing. 

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What do you mean?

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Getting control doesn’t leave you with anything.  In the end, I mean.

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I don’t follow.

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Whether you get control of the board or not — whether you “win” or “lose” — the game ends.   For both players.

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Oh.  Yeah.  I guess. 

 

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So I guess I agree with you.

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About what?

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When it comes to controlling…

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…life’s just like chess.

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* * *

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