The three paradoxes of control

We are all control addicts.

And all in denial.


Because we can’t help but see control as a solution.

And sometimes it is.

But more often than we want to admit, it’s not.

It’s a problem.

A big problem.

One that makes us emotionally and spiritually sick.

Three reasons why:




2 responses to “The three paradoxes of control

  • Ali

    Hi Steve
    After trying to put your Control therapy into practice for a while now, I am aware that the most important things to me are out or beyond my control. And, I try to control the stuff that does not really matter to me….
    This helps to me let go of trying to resist my thoughts or feelings and step out their way. It’s not that I’m trying to be happier or at ease or trying to achieve a certain feeling. Rather I recognise from my past experiences when and where I’m beaten and there’s no need to give myself extra stress or hurt !
    And I sit back down in my seat on the bus and look out the window! 🙂

    • Steve Hauptman

      Thanks, Ali.

      If it makes you feel any better, I myself struggle with relapse all the time.

      Especially when under stress — both distress and eustress, the good kind, like when I’m writing, as I am now — and the stress takes me out of my comfort zone, and the monkey in me automatically starts looking for ways to restore my comfort.

      One way he does this is by constructing huge, encyclopedic, color-coded, and ultimately ridiculous To Do lists.

      He seems to think that adding stuff to the list somehow moves me closer to getting them done.

      When actually it just leaves me overwhelmed and embarrassed.

      Not to mention hungover.

      Like any addict.

      So yes, I feel your pain, and I envy the times you can let yourself just sit and look out the window. 🙂

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