i have appreciated very much and benefited from your thoughts and explanation on the subject of control. Actually, i have embraced and continue to refer to all that you have put out there.
With these thoughts, i find that the views expressed about Trump, which i agree with, are not appropriate in the context which they are shared. I look forward to your wisdom concerning addiction to control.
Was this controlling? Hell I don’t know.
Thank you for allowing me to share.
Thanks for writing, Pete.
I assume you’re referring to “Surviving Trump,” published on 11/12/16.
I’d be interested to know in what way you felt that post was inappropriate.
Yes, “Surviving Trump”.
As I listen to people on the news, in my neighborhood, at work or elsewhere on this island ( Maui), i hear people expressing their fears with such certainty that “this or that” is going to happen. In your post it had a similar feel. Growing up in an alcoholic family has shown me this kind of uncertainty and therefore fear. At a time when i am seeking surrender and self acceptance, your writing has helped me to see that my perception of myself has not been very kind or truthful. As i practice the 12 steps of ACA, I see that they very much mirror your teachings not only in your blog but in your book. The “Trump” piece just didn’t seem consistent with the teachings.
Perhaps I am not being fair and I will look at the exact nature of my comments.
I love the Zen story “Maybe”
Thank you for reaching out.
Thanks, Pete, for explaining your reaction.
I’m in the process of writing a detailed answer, which I’d like to publish as a New Year’s post.
Would you mind if, as part of that post, I quote your reply? I have a feeling you’re not the only one who felt the way you did.
Actually I am honored that you would consider using my comments. I also feel that my comments may be “controlling”. To paraphrase what a Monkeytraps original, “when i try to control someone, i force them to control me back”.
I may have been trying to control you…….. no, i was trying to control you!
Your comments sparked discomfort in me.
I apologize if my reaction was controlling and what is your hourly rate for this therapy?
Thank you Steve for being wiling to help me with my recovery!
One day at a time.
First, though I often write about its problematic aspects, control is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s essential. (I won’t give up control when I’m driving my car, for example.) Controlling becomes a problem only when it’s (a) aimed at the wrong target (things that can’t or shouldn’t be controlled) and (b) compulsive (driven by anxiety, not intelligent awareness).
Second, I don’t experience you as controlling at all. You simply expressed your opinion and your feelings. That’s not only healthy, it’s the opposite of controlling. Most of the people I work with are too worried about the reactions of others to express themselves freely and without fear. So no apology necessary, and no charge. 🙂
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This is a blog about the oldest human addiction: control.
It's co-authored by Steve, a therapist who specializes in control issues, and Bert, his control-addicted inner monkey.
(Bert is a metaphor. Steve's real, mostly.)
For a fuller explanation of what this is all about, click on START HERE above.
Feedback welcome, always.
Glad you found us.
Steve & Bert
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The second volume in THE MONKEYTRAPS SERIES.
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