A few thoughts to get you through 2017




6 responses to “A few thoughts to get you through 2017

  • Pete Sullivan

    i have appreciated very much and benefited from your thoughts and explanation on the subject of control. Actually, i have embraced and continue to refer to all that you have put out there.
    With these thoughts, i find that the views expressed about Trump, which i agree with, are not appropriate in the context which they are shared. I look forward to your wisdom concerning addiction to control.
    Was this controlling? Hell I don’t know.
    Thank you for allowing me to share.

    • Steve Hauptman

      Thanks for writing, Pete.

      I assume you’re referring to “Surviving Trump,” published on 11/12/16.

      I’d be interested to know in what way you felt that post was inappropriate.

      • Pete Sullivan

        Hey Steve:
        Yes, “Surviving Trump”.
        As I listen to people on the news, in my neighborhood, at work or elsewhere on this island ( Maui), i hear people expressing their fears with such certainty that “this or that” is going to happen. In your post it had a similar feel. Growing up in an alcoholic family has shown me this kind of uncertainty and therefore fear. At a time when i am seeking surrender and self acceptance, your writing has helped me to see that my perception of myself has not been very kind or truthful. As i practice the 12 steps of ACA, I see that they very much mirror your teachings not only in your blog but in your book. The “Trump” piece just didn’t seem consistent with the teachings.
        Perhaps I am not being fair and I will look at the exact nature of my comments.
        I love the Zen story “Maybe”
        Thank you for reaching out.

        • Steve Hauptman

          Thanks, Pete, for explaining your reaction.

          I’m in the process of writing a detailed answer, which I’d like to publish as a New Year’s post.

          Would you mind if, as part of that post, I quote your reply? I have a feeling you’re not the only one who felt the way you did.

          • Pete Sullivan

            Actually I am honored that you would consider using my comments. I also feel that my comments may be “controlling”. To paraphrase what a Monkeytraps original, “when i try to control someone, i force them to control me back”.
            I may have been trying to control you…….. no, i was trying to control you!
            Your comments sparked discomfort in me.
            Two things:
            I apologize if my reaction was controlling and what is your hourly rate for this therapy?
            Thank you Steve for being wiling to help me with my recovery!
            One day at a time.

            • Steve Hauptman

              Two thoughts:

              First, though I often write about its problematic aspects, control is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s essential. (I won’t give up control when I’m driving my car, for example.) Controlling becomes a problem only when it’s (a) aimed at the wrong target (things that can’t or shouldn’t be controlled) and (b) compulsive (driven by anxiety, not intelligent awareness).

              Second, I don’t experience you as controlling at all. You simply expressed your opinion and your feelings. That’s not only healthy, it’s the opposite of controlling. Most of the people I work with are too worried about the reactions of others to express themselves freely and without fear. So no apology necessary, and no charge. 🙂

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