Inside, outside



We control addicts are terribly confused about boundaries.


We confuse externals (people, places and things) with internals (our own thoughts, feelings and behavior).


We compulsively try to rearrange external reality — bits and pieces of the world around us — in order to feel certain ways (safe, accepted, loved, contented) and not feel other ways (scared, frustrated, rejected, lonely).


We do this so much we forget our real goal is an emotional one, not the rearranging itself.


But the real goal of all controlling is to control internal reality — feelings.


And that’s a goal you can reach by means other than editing externals.


Which is good to know.


Since external control is (as elections and terrorists like to remind us) so often impossible…



It’s nice to remember that it’s not always necessary.


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