March 16, 2015
(THE BOOK) Chapter 18: Survival
This entry was posted on Monday, March 16th, 2015 at 11:32 pm and posted in anxiety and control, compulsive controlling, control, control addiction, controlling behavior, dysfunctional controlling, external control. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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Welcome to MONKEYTRAPS.
This is a blog about the oldest human addiction: control.
It's co-authored by Steve, a therapist who specializes in control issues, and Bert, his control-addicted inner monkey.
(Bert is a metaphor. Steve's real, mostly.)
For a fuller explanation of what this is all about, click on START HERE above.
Feedback welcome, always.
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Steve & Bert
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March 16th, 2015 at 11:46 pm
I am waiting for a post where something ANYTHING does not drive us to control. It makes me feel I will never be able to give up my “addiction” there is too much controlling me. I like this post, at least I can say, “Yes, I resorted to controlling because I wanted to survive.”
March 19th, 2015 at 9:07 am
Yes, it’s easy to forget that compulsive controlling — like most emotional problems — started out as a solution.
And that it felt successful to an extent.
Which is
(a) why controlling is so hard to give up, and
(b) why giving it up depends on whether or not we’re able to develop another, healthier solution.
Cheer up, though. Healthier solutions do exist.
March 19th, 2015 at 2:08 pm
Thank you so much, your posts do help me and together with my children we are all focusing on healthier solutions and it does feel good.
March 19th, 2015 at 6:57 am
Your post raises queries for me Steve.
I wonder at what point we lose the ability to trust our instincts?
Instincts that we have naturally at birth…?
Instincts that would guide us on the path of what we can control (good for us) and what we can(bad for us) if we trusted them, let alone were in touch with them…and our ability to naturally heal? Where’s that gone?
Is it conditioned out of us?
Al
March 19th, 2015 at 9:00 am
No, I don’t think instincts are ever entirely conditioned out of us.
That’s because, despite all the socialization and conditioning, we retain our animal bodies.
Unfortunately, “Many of us have lived like renters in a small room of a house we consider barely habitable. Disembodied, we have dangerously compromised the fabric of nature that supports us,” writes James Conger, whose THE BODY IN RECOVERY (Frog Ltd., 1994) provides an excellent overview of the subject.
As a therapist I see reconnecting to nature through the body as essential. It’s why I spend so much time teaching clients to listen more closely and respectfully to feelings, which I see as the road to self-care, self-acceptance, accessing our instinctual intelligence, connecting authentically with other people, and healing our confused and controlling minds.
April 4th, 2015 at 10:25 pm
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