Because it is wired into us to
..~ seek pleasure and avoid pain,
..~ imagine a perfect life (one that meets all our needs and makes us perfectly happy), and then
..~ try to make those imaginings come true.
The word controlling covers all forms of this imagining and trying.
Our trying may be large (building a skyscraper) or small (killing crabgrass), complex (winning a war) or simple (salting my soup).
It may be important (curing cancer) or petty (trimming toenails), public (getting elected) or private (losing weight), essential (avoiding a car crash) or incidental (matching socks).
I may inflict my trying on other people (get you to stop drinking, kiss me, wash the dishes, give me a raise) or on myself (raise my self-esteem, lose weight, hide my anger, learn French).
All this involves seeking some form of control.
We’re controlling nearly all of the time.
We control automatically and unconsciously, waking and sleeping, out in the world and in the privacy of our thoughts.
From birth until death.
The only time we’re not controlling is when we can relax, and do nothing, and trust that things will work out just fine anyway.
How often can you do that?
We’re forming two online study/support groups for readers who want to explore these ideas with me in real time. One group is for therapists who want to integrate these ideas into their clinical work. Both groups will be small, eight members at most, and meet weekly. Fee is $50 per session, and group members may purchase Monkeytraps (The Book) at half price. Interested? Write me: firstname.lastname@example.org.