Planet Control

stewardess ================================May I have your attention, please?

We’ll be starting our descent in a few minutes. 

And before we land the captain has asked that I brief you new flyers on the indigenous culture of Planet Control.  

Those of you who’ve heard this before can go on with your reading. 

I assume each of you has some familiarity with Planet Control, or you wouldn’t be on this flight to begin with. 

But just to clarify:  The basic rules of social intercourse here are,

1. Always conceal what you’re really thinking.

2. Always conceal what you’re really feeling.

3. Always conceal what you really want.

4. Always pay close attention to what those around you are thinking, feeling and wanting.

5. If you aren’t sure, try to read their minds.

6. If you can’t read their minds, blame yourself for being selfish.

7. If you notice symptoms of emotional distress — like anxiety, depression or the urge to abuse substances — relax.  These are perfectly normal reactions to the culture of Planet Control.  They won’t go away over time; they may actually worsen.  But you get used to it.

If all that seems too much to remember, following one simple rule should suffice:

Do not be yourself.  It may bother someone. 

We hope these tips make your stay on Planet Control safer and more pleasant.

Thanks for your attention.

And thanks for flying Codependent Airways.

6 responses to “Planet Control

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