You say potato

Most new clients and I start off with a language problem.

We’re both speaking English, of course, but the words we use have different meanings.

This happens because people come to therapy for help with emotional problems, and I see most (maybe all) such problems as caused by control addiction.  And that view has changed my view of almost everything human.

For example, it often happens that what clients call polite, I see as artificial.

What they call niceness, I see as fear.

What they call respectful, I see as dishonest.

What they call strong, I see as rigid.

What they call responsible, I see as oversocialized.

What they call loyal, I see as coerced.

What they call productive, I see as compulsively busy.

What they call helpful, I see as intrusive.

What they call protecting, I see as enabling.

What they call love, I see as codependency.

At the start of our work clients often object to my redefinitions of behaviors in which they’ve been engaged until now.

Sometimes they get so angry at how I see things that they leave and never return.

But if they keep coming back, eventually they start asking themselves:

If I’ve really been doing what I thought I was doing, why do I need therapy? 

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