Divorcing parents

Divorce brings out the best and worst in parents.

In some it elicits restraint, courage, self-awareness and self-sacrifice.

In some it provokes denial, self-pity, rage and manipulation.

The best parents work to understand the suffering of their children.  The worst become preoccupied with their own pain, anger and grief.

The best make softening the damage to kids their priority.  The worst see divorce as war, and the kids as weapons.

Some divorcing spouses do and say awful things to each other, and get spiritually smaller day by day.

And some manage to come out of the divorce stronger, wiser, kinder, and better parents.

I also notice that, over time, a sort of simple justice tends to emerge.

It happens regardless of who gets custody, who has more money or goodies to offer, and despite all attempts to prevent it:

Kids gravitate away from the unhealthy parent, and towards the healthier one.

They don’t do this consciously.  It’s not really a choice.

It’s more like a tropism – a spontaneous and involuntary reaction rooted deep in the instinctual part of the child.  The part that knows what the kid needs, and where to find it.

Like how plants know to turn towards the sun.

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