Test

Submitted to The Practice Corner:
So it’s three months since we broke up, and Saturday he calls me and asks me to lunch.  And I’m feeling stronger and curious about how it would feel to see him again, so I say yes.  We go to lunch and he’s really nice and I’m enjoying myself.  After lunch he asks if I want to take a walk on the beach and I think, what the hell, so far so good, so again I say yes.  And again he’s really nice and I’m enjoying the attention.  So somehow we end up back at my place and he ends up staying the night.  Also the next night.  And now I want him to leave, but the old fear is back – I don’t want to make him angry at me.  So I tell myself tomorrow’s Monday and he’ll have work and leave on his own.  But Monday he takes the day off, and when I go to work he stays at my place.  Then I talk to him by phone and he tells me he’s doing my laundry for me.  “Please don’t,” I say, because he always does it wrong.  Then I come home and find he did it anyway and put all my hang dry delicates in the dryer.  “I asked you not to,” I say.  And now he goes off, screaming and cursing, just like he always used to.  This always happens, I do something nice and you don’t appreciate me, you think you’re perfect, you’re just a critical bitch, and so on.  But this time it’s different.  “I want you to leave now,” I hear myself saying.  I’ve never said that to anyone.  Inside I’m shaky, but I sound surprisingly calm.  He stops screaming, looks at me like I’m speaking Martian.  “Leave now,” I repeat.  He starts to argue.  “Just leave,” I say, louder.  He leaves. 
Afterwards I realized what all this was: a test.  He was testing me to see if his old tactics still worked.  Maybe I was testing myself by seeing him again.  Whatever.  I passed.
~ Shared by R.M. (8/16/14)

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The Practice Corner is an occasional series of true (but cleverly disguised) stories told by readers working actively to free themselves from compulsive controlling. Read more here.

4 responses to “Test

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