Third in the series
Notes on Recovery
So bottom’s hit you. You realize you’re a control addict and need to recover.
Now Plan B.
Make no mistake — you do need a plan.
Good intentions aren’t enough. Neither is willpower.
Because if hitting bottom is less a choice than a realization, recovery is definitely a choice.
Not just the hardest choice you’ll ever make, either. One you have to remake every day. Every hour, sometimes.
Recovery from any addiction means facing your deepest anxieties and fighting your strongest impulses. And escaping control addiction means walking through a world that seems absolutely determined to push you into relapse.
Not a walk in the park.
So you really do need a plan, and it better be good.
It should teach you three things:
Refocus, practice, and support.
Refocus means learning to shift your attention from Out There to In Here – from the environment that triggers you to your own reactions to that environment.
Practice means (a) learning alternatives to compulsive controlling, and then (b) repeating them over and over until they come as naturally as controlling used to.
Support is the hardest part, because it involves other people. Addicts don’t trust other people. Hell, that’s why they’re addicts. It’s because they distrust people that they turned to substances or compulsive behaviors to manage their feelings. But recovery means building people back into your emotional life, learning to trust them again.
Because no one recovers alone.
And anyone who tries it alone isn’t really recovering.
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Previous posts in this series:
(A sort of preface:) Tricky
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