Slumped on my sofa, he seems surrounded by enemies.

He tells me what his girlfriend’s doing to him, and what his ex-wife did,  And how he was abused by his last boss.  And by his father and mother before that.

I believe everything he tells me.

But the more he talks the weaker he sounds.  It’s like he’s shrinking before my eyes.

Which illustrates the risk in blaming.

Blaming is an explanation.  It explains pain and problems by pointing to someone or something outside us and beyond our control.  Not my fault, blaming says.  I didn’t cause this.

Which may be true, and is often comforting in the moment.

But in the long run it‘s a dangerous way to see things.


Because you can’t solve a problem that’s not yours to solve.

When we blame we give away responsibility.  When we give away responsibility, we also give away the solution to problems.  We give away power, which I define as the ability to take care of ourselves

And powerless people solve nothing.

Somebody once compared blaming to swallowing poison and waiting for the other guy to die.

Feeling stuck?  Need to fix something in your life or relationship?

Move past blame.

Take more responsibility.








One response to “Blaming

  • Marybeth Hutchinson

    “Because you can’t solve a problem that’s not yours to solve.” That small blurb with regard to blame just hit me like a brick wall. I give away my power when I blame. Message received. Thanks Steve.

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