Saturday morning, and I’m lying in bed, listening to the old argument.

Should:  You really should get up.

Want:  But I’m tired.

Should:  But you have tons of paperwork.  You could get caught up.

Want:  But I need rest too.

Should:  I know.  But if you got caught up, you could relax.

Want:  That’s stupid.  I’m relaxed now.

Right.  That old argument.

Most of my clients struggle with these two voices in their heads.

For some it’s a chronic, painful problem.

They hear the Should voice as ”responsible” and the Want voice as “selfish.”

So I spend much of my time with them reframing the argument, trying get them to hear Should as controlling and Want as the voice of self-care.

Don’t misunderstand.  I know there are times when adults have to ignore Want and obey Should.  Bills to pay, promises to keep.

But most of us are oversocialized – taught to ignore the former and hear only the latter.  We think we’re choosing when in fact we’re just programmed.

And that’s bad for us.  Bad mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It can even be dangerous.

Not great for the people around us, either.

Plus this sort of programming can prevent you from ever being happy.

People who neglect self-care always remind me of the guy who says “I’m driving to California, but I’ll wait to buy gas when I get there.”

Gas up now, friend.

Or you won’t get there.





2 responses to “Argument

  • Simona

    Yep!! Shoulda, coulda, woulda… The three no no’s.. Great post!!

  • Lisa Anderson

    I had someone tell me the term “must-erbation” one time…a funny name for the “shoulds”. Thanks for the post. It helped me make a decision about something, so it was very timely!

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