Outside, inside

* * *

Control addicts tend to be confused about boundaries.


We confuse externals (what’s outside) with internals (what’s inside).


We tend to rearrange bits and pieces of the world around us so we can feel some feelings (safety, acceptance, contentment, connection) and avoid others (fear, rejection, frustration, loneliness).


We do it so much we forget our real goal is an emotional one, not rearranging for its own sake.


But the real goal of all controlling is to control feelings.


Which you can reach by means other than editing external realities.


Which is a helpful thing to know.


Because external control is so often impossible (as hurricances and elections like to remind us).


So it’s nice to remember that it’s not always necessary.

2 responses to “Outside, inside

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