Outside, inside

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Control addicts tend to be confused about boundaries.

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We confuse externals (what’s outside) with internals (what’s inside).

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We tend to rearrange bits and pieces of the world around us so we can feel some feelings (safety, acceptance, contentment, connection) and avoid others (fear, rejection, frustration, loneliness).

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We do it so much we forget our real goal is an emotional one, not rearranging for its own sake.

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But the real goal of all controlling is to control feelings.

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Which you can reach by means other than editing external realities.

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Which is a helpful thing to know.

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Because external control is so often impossible (as hurricances and elections like to remind us).

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So it’s nice to remember that it’s not always necessary.