Bert’s therapy: Feel

The last session upset me.

1

2

3

Did it? 

1

2

3

Yes.  And I told Feel about it, and it upset her too.

1

2

“Feel”?

1

2

3

 

 

Felicia.  That’s my nickname for her.

1

2

Oh.  Bert and Feel.  Cute. 

1

2

3

 

bert-4

1

2

3

So what upset you?

1

2

3

Your suggestion that we have no faith in relationships.

1

2

You think I’m wrong?

1

2

3

 

No, we think you’re right.  That’s what’s upsetting.

1

2

Well, good. 

1

2

3

What’s good about it?

1

2

3

Better upset than in denial.

1

2

3

Kind of scary, though.

1

2

3

It is that.

1

2

3

bert-9

1

Relationship is the best hope a human being has for happiness.  So people without faith in relationships…

1

2

3

Are basically screwed.

1

2

 

If they want to be happy, yes. 

1

 

2

3

Well, we’ve decided to work on it together.

1

2

Good for you.

1

2

3

 

 

What’s the first step?

1

2

3

I’d like to meet Feel.

1

2

3

(stares)

1

2

3

(waits) 

1

2

 

3

Is that absolutely necessary?

1

2

Kind of.  What’s your concern? 

1

2

3

 

 

I don’t know what will happen.

1

What are you afraid might happen?

1

2\

3

 

 

 

Hell, I don’t know.  I just know that I…don’t know.

1

Threatens your sense of control?

1

2

3

 

 

Bet your ass.

1

Well, we can put it off.  But I’d like you to think about something. 

1

2

3

 

 

What?

1

2

Control is what we lean on when we have no faith.

1

2

3

 

It is?

1

Sure.  It’s when we lack faith that things will be okay that we feel compelled to make them okay. 

1

23

 

 

 

bert-20

1

So scary as it might be, if you want to develop any faith you’re going to have to start giving up some control. 

1

2

3

 


ONE WEEK LATER:

13

BERT

1

2

3

Nice to meet you, Feel.

1

2

3

* * *

 

Trust isn’t an emotion.

It’s a learned behavior that we gain from past experiences.

It is hope and dependability, and putting confidence in someone.

Trust is also a risk.

But you can’t be successful when there’s a lack of trust in a relationship that results from an action where the wrongdoer takes no repentance or responsibility to fix the mistake.

Unfortunately, we’ve all been victims of betrayal.

Whether we’ve been stolen from, lied to, misled, or cheated on, there are different levels of losing trust, some more devastating than others.

Regaining trust can seem as likely as winning the lottery.

Sometimes people simply can’t trust anymore – they’ve been too badly hurt and they can’t bear to be that vulnerable again.

It’s understandable, but if you’re willing to build trust in a relationship again, we have some tips.
  

 
Advertisements

7 responses to “Bert’s therapy: Feel

  • releasing lunacy

    I’m so screwed! Not only do I not have trust in relationships, I barely have any relationships. So much for happiness! That’s okay. I enjoy giggles over Bert’s reactions to Steve’s suggestions. ~RL

    • Steve Hauptman

      Despair not. Seeing things differently (e.g., the importance of relationships) just may lead you to different choices from here on.

  • attachmentgirl

    You’re killing me Steve! (Thank you :)) I’ve been in a very confused, angry place lately and struggling with trusting my relationship with my therapist in a way I haven’t in a very long time. Reading this made me realize that at least part of what is going on is my wanting to control some things over which I have no control. I am at a place where my only choice is to become vulnerable in order to heal, but that faith in relationships, that trust that it will be ok despite not knowing what will happen, can still elude me. I am always amazed at your ability to convey such powerful, profound truths in a few lines of dialog.

    • Steve Hauptman

      Thanks, AG. Yeah, I hate vulnerability myself. (Well, Bert does.) Then again, who doesn’t? Reminds me of the old joke about how porcupines make love: very very carefully.

  • Lisa Frederiksen - BreakingTheCycles.com

    My favorite line, “Sure. It’s when we lack faith that things will be okay that we feel compelled to make them okay.” And then this line in your follow-up, “But you can’t be successful when there’s a lack of trust in a relationship that results from an action where the wrongdoer takes no repentance or responsibility to fix the mistake.”
    You are amazing – how you put so much into so few words! Thanks for another great post!!

    • Steve Hauptman

      Thanks, Lisa. Yeah, some sort of faith is pretty much essential. It’s hard work trying to make things okay, day after day. I suspect those of us who’ve been burned by relationships and who later manage to regain faith in them do so mostly out of a combination of exhaustion and loneliness.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: