Bert’s therapy: Dancing

So, I did what you suggested.

1

2

3

With Felicia?

1

2

3

Yes.  I stopped trying to appease her.

1

2

3

therapist-2

12

3

 

And I asked what she’s really angry about.

1

2

How did she react?

1

2

 

 

3

She stopped talking to me.

1

2

3

Oh.  How’s that feel?

1

 

2

3

Not sure yet.  I don’t miss the criticism.  But the silence scares me.

1

Why?

1

2

 

3

 

It makes me think she’s even angrier at me than she was.

1

Maybe.  But probably you just confused her.

1

 

2

3

Confused her how?

1

2

3

You stopped dancing.

1

2

 

3

Come again?

1

Like most couples, you two have developed a predictable way of coping with conflict.  I call it your dance.

1

 

2

3

And you know this how?

You described it to me last time.  Apparently it starts when she’s unhappy about something, and expresses it with a complaint or a demand.

1

 

2

3

bert

To which you respond by trying to appease her. To which she responds with a new complaint or demand. And so on.

1

2

3

That does sound familiar.

1

2

How long does this dance usually last?

 

1

2

3

Two, three days.  Sometimes a week. 

1

And how many times have you done it?

1

 

2

3

Hundreds.  Thousands.  It never accomplishes anything.

Well, in a way it does.  It keeps things predictable.  Discharges the tension, gives you a sense of control. 

1

 

2

3

But doesn’t solve the problem.

1

2

True.  Dancing just maintains the status quo. 

1

 

2

3

I’m sick of the status quo.  What do I do now?

1

You already did it.  You interrupted the dance.  Now it’s her move.

1

 

2

3

And I just wait?

1

2

3

Right.

1

2

3

And do nothing?

1

2

3

Right.  See what happens.

1

2

3

bert-18

1

2

3

How do you feel about that?

1

2

3

Like dancing.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

It all boils down to how you view what goes on within your relationships, specifically your significant ones.

First and foremost, marriage is designed to help you grow up. 

It’s not about happiness.

It’s not about becoming more complete, despite what Hollywood and popular press would like you to believe.

Marriage is about growing. Happiness will accompany you at times along the way, but it’s not the ultimate goal.

And second: your growth – your responsibility; your spouse’s – theirs.

When you keep this in mind you realize that all you can control in a relationship is yourself.

 ~ Corey Allan, Relationships are easy

 

* * *

No Oscar?

No Emmy?

No Tony?

Cheer up.

 You can still win a Bert.

 

Join the hundreds (well, dozens) who’ve already entered the Bert Mug contest.

Not only will you get a chance to own an authentic Bert Mug (isn’t it lovely?), but you’ll be the first to hear of all our new Monkeytraps projects — like the forthcoming, breathtaking, heartwarming, mindblowing Monkeytraps 101: Bert’s Crash Course in Control.

To enter, just

(1) Join the Monkeytraps mailing list by sending us an email at fritzfreud@aol.com with the word SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Include your name too, so we know who to credit with such cleverness.

(2) In the same email, suggest a caption about control addiction for the Bert Mug.   

If you’ve already sent us a caption, send another.  (It gets easier with practice.)

And remember: 

Nobody in Hollywood has one.

 

Advertisements

2 responses to “Bert’s therapy: Dancing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: