Session 35: Stuck

I’m stuck.

1

2

3

How so?

1

2

3

I don’t like myself.  I really want to change.

1

2

3

therapist 2

1

2

3

But as hard as I try, I can’t seem to.

1

2

3

Change yourself?

1

2

3

Right.  Any advice on that?

1

2

3

Yes.  But you won’t like it.

1

2

3

How do you know?

1

2

3

Nobody likes it.  Nobody listens.

1

2

3

Why not?

1

2

It’s counterintuitive.  Contradicts what they want to believe. 

1

2

3

Well, I’m desperate.   Try me.

1

2

3

If you insist.

1

2

3

Bert 8

1

2

3

The way to change yourself is:

1

2

3

Bert 9

1

2

3

Stop trying.

1

2

3

Stop trying what?

1

2

Stop trying to change.  That’s how you change.

1

2

3

You’re confusing me.

1

It’s called the Paradoxical Theory of Change.  “The more you try to change yourself,” it says, “the more stuck you become.”

1

2

3

Bert 12

1

“But the moment you accept yourself as you are, change happens by itself.”

1

2

3

That makes no sense.

1

2

Didn’t you just say that pushing yourself to change has gotten you nowhere?  

1

2

3

Yeah.

1

2

3

There’s a reason for that. 

1

2

3

bert

Force yourself to change, and another part of you rises up in resistance.  An internal war starts.  Neither part wins.  You end up still stuck, just more tired.

1

2

3

That does sound familiar.

1

On the other hand, accepting yourself frees up all sorts of energy.  You feel stronger. Braver.  Hopeful.  Creative.  Growth follows.

1

2

3

That makes sense, I guess.

1

2

3

therapist

1

2

3

But I like believing in will power.

1

2

3

therapist.

1

2

3

I like thinking I can chart my own course.

1

2

3

therapist

1

2

3

That I’m the master of my fate.

1

2

3

therapist

1

2

3

That I’m the captain of my…

1

1

2

See? Nobody listens.

1

2

………………. * * *

 2