Free your inner monkey.
I’m with Bert, I still cling to the idea that there is stuff I can do (therapy, journalling, etc) by which I can improve myself.
Another great post.
Personally, I hold the view that self acceptance and will power are not totaaly or completely mutually exclusive. I believe self acceptance is one of the main qualities a person must internally possess to be truly at peace with themselves and the external world in which they find themselves. Will power on the other hand, is a quality which like self acceptance is inwardly possessed, however will power is, generally speaking, a quality which can be measured only on the basis of a person’s outwardly success and accomplishments. We often say a person has a strong will power if that person spends considerable time and energy practicing a sport or activity, so much so that they win competitive events in their field of endeavors. Without the will power to practice, the person would likely never have acquired the skills and conditioning to compete at such high levels.
It is acknowledged that a person may use and turn their will power inwardly in such a way that acts or causes the person to unconsciously negate one’s self acceptance thereby resulting in the paradox syndrome you quoted in your post. It can be a fine line indeed between a healthy will power and one that can impede self acceptance.
Although I agree there are things we can and need to do to better ourselves, I’d go with the latter. Too often we try to control the people (and things) around us, but like with the tide, you can’t control them. You only have control over what you choose to do.
The more often I read the post, the more clearer the role of self acceptance becomes. I Am struggling with the the question whether will power plays a pivotal role in self acceptance or not. Maybe it is my own definition of will power that is making it difficult for me to see the forest for the trees?
For me, self-acceptance has come after a great deal of self-examination. If I accept my anger, it is a great deal easier to deal with it. Having accepted my anger yesterday :) !! I feel a great rush of it.
Oh man, amen to this post! Here’s my problem. I’ve known for a while (intellectually, at least–the emotional part is a whole ‘nother story) that control gets me nowhere. I know I need release and acceptance of myself. I want that SO bad that I come up with things that I label as release and acceptance that are actually born out of my desire to control. I can’t escape myself. The problem is that letting go really means letting go, completely. There is no way to control the process of letting go and acceptance (because they are the opposite of control), so release and acceptance scare the hell out of me, just like everything else I can’t control. Guess that’s why I love control so much. Well, tiime to go eat ice cream and watch a movie!
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This is a blog about the oldest human addiction: control.
It's co-authored by Steve, a therapist who specializes in control issues, and Bert, his control-addicted inner monkey.
(Bert is a metaphor. Steve's real, mostly.)
For a fuller explanation of what this is all about, click on START HERE above.
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Monkey House is our sister site.
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In THE STUDY we talk about the idea of control
In THE LIVING ROOM we talk about control and feelings.
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In THE KITCHEN we talk about control and self-care.
And in THE BATHROOM -- well, that's for venting.
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