Bert’s therapy: The do-over

(If you’re new to Monkeytraps, Steve is a therapist who specializes in control issues, and Bert is his control-addicted inner monkey.

“Bert’s therapy” is the session-by-session saga of a control addict trying to learn alternatives to controlling.)

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So this New Year’s I tried an experiment.  I resolved to make no resolutions.

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How come?

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You convinced me I’m a control addict.  I figured this would be a good way to practice surrender.    

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How’s it going?

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Guess.

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Just another resolution you couldn’t keep?

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Yup.

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And now you feel like a failure.  Again.

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Exactly.  What’d I do wrong?    

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Just what addicts do: tried to control something you can’t control.  In this case, a feeling.  

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My anxiety about the future.

 

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Right.  You tried to make it go away by filling the future with goals and planning.  Didn’t work, right?

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No.  What do I do now?

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Learn from it.  That’s what relapses are good for, to teach you something.

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Like what?

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What’s the most obvious lesson here?

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I have unrealistic expectations of myself.

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Good.  That’s a crucial one.

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And my next step?

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A do-over.

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Like in stickball? 

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Right.  Like when cars interrupt play.

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I can do that?

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There’s no other way to recover.  Recovery is just one do-over after another.    

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It is?

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Sure.  We can’t avoid relapses.  We can only keep giving ourselves second chances to learn from them.

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That feels better than calling myself a failure. 

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And one more thing.  This is crucial too. 

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What?

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Lose the hat.

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 * * *

Want more?

The beginnings and endings of all human undertakings are untidy.

~ John Galsworthy

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Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.

~ Henry Ford

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Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried something new.

~ Albert Einstein

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Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

~ Marcus Aurelius

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Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

~Theodore Roosevelt

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I call a do-over.

~ Charlie Brown